I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize