I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
