Ambien. No doubt about it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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