we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
