I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
