We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
