So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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