Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
