why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
