every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize