This is not my ceiling
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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