her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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