Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
