Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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