Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
