____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
