And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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