and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
