According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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