I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
