it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
