I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
