Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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