I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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