um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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