thus making me awesome and them whores
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize