is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
