just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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