Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
