wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
