I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
