tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
