My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
