Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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