I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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