RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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