all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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