he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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