Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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