you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
