since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
