I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
