Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
