Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
