don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
