I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
