just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All the doctor said was why
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
