I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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