i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this boner is exhausting
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
