OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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