Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
