Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
