U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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