Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
