He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
