My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
