the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize