she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i came on her dog
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
