I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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