Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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