i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
