Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
