oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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