i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
