I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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