We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
