its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
