There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she looked like the before picture.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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