Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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