im drinking this country out of the recession.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
