Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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