Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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