i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
