I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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