Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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