I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
