Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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