why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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