just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
