sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
