Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
