My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
