Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
