I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
